[sorry for the late response, this poetry month has me consumed]
I really like this Samuel, (even though I cringe at the rejection of capitalism but I think you mean mindless consumerism which is surely its dark side...but that for another day). Many disparate thoughts! Will offer a few. Although I have not read Rousseau his formulation of primordial self-interest and compassion rang true. We have - and should have - both.
Also your reactions to the current scolds of our times is spot on. Part of what is going on in our ultra-virtue-signaling culture is anything but empathy. It's a show to fool others and worse, ourselves, in how we are worthy of our fortunes. Like original sin. We have killed religion only to have it resurrect in this ugly form. From a political perspective, I have come to actually have "empathy" for the extreme left for exactly the frustration you touch upon, because they at least have their motives in the right place (although their solutions are terribly destructive, leading to much evil). This in contrast with the mindless consuming types who shop to fill the void, and even worse the elite-virtue-signaling types who are often (have you noticed?) the most privileged among us! So while how empathy is used needs the scolding you so articulately mete out, the original concept is both innate and essential to a meaningful life...
So true, Reena. Learning to have empathy with those on the outer fringes is so powerful, because there was inevitably a journey that preceded their position. How often do we stop to consider that?
Samuél, you've certainly mastered the art of getting the reader stuck in! :)
I published a book with the word empathy in the title in 2018. Little did I know that in the intervening years, there'd be another 200+ books written with the same word in the title. It's become quite the buzz word. And, like most buzzy words, has become a bit abused. I was recently invited to speak on a podcast about empathy and at the end of the interview was chastised for not holding empathy as being 100% the solution to everything and that it should be applied all the time. I was taken aback by the dogma. Felt like a hammer in search a nail. I was the nail in this case.
In a world where mental health issues have been on the rise, is it a coincidence that everyone is on the empathy bandwagon? We tend to think of having empathy for others 'in need' or for others who are just different from us. One area where we might all do better to focus on is in being empathic with our own shadows and darkness. Without an acceptance of ourselves (linked to self-love), we will always struggle to understand properly the darker side and imperfections of each other. In a world where we are pushing for virtues and shining light for the betterment of society, it seems we may be leaving a festering cavity. The more ideal we strive to make our world, the more patently obvious becomes our contradiction or incoherence.
In your reference to the dinner quip, would that we had more family dinners without tech and engaged in more vibrant conversation, in lieu of virtue signalling and superficial dialogue. The notion of practicing empathy at home is far from a gimme (much less with oneself). Close Communication Bias (it's a thing!) makes us un-empathic with those we're closest with.
Minter, re: dinner conversation, when I grew up there were or course no cell phones, but even if the house phone rang it was a clear “we’ll call you back, we’re having dinner.” It seems to me that these days the goal for all of us is concerned with how to be radically present. That in itself is a work of empathy. Here’s to fighting the good fight. And to good dinner conversation. I can’t stand small talk over food.
"there was inevitably a journey that preceded their position" Maybe the most resonant in all writing on empathy. Thanks for this nugget, and for the reminder that nuance should still exist, even if for many it seems to have seen itself out.
Reena, love what you say here about the “return” of original sin. It’s an interesting analogy to think about all of the ways we justifiably need to reconcile the past with the present without making ourselves out to be martyrs/victims/zealots shouting about how until we cleanse ourselves of x, y, or z we are all forever doomed.
How does a society like the USA come to terms with its past in a way that is not guilt based or blame based but in fact based on empathy? Woof. I don’t dare answer that question now. But thanks for illuminating it.
I was just reading fellow substacker Ben Wakeman’s story The Memory Of My Shadow. The prologue starts out with a school shooting, and the story totally humanizes the shooter. It is haunting but also beautiful.
A deep reflection on a truth about your world view..from the time you could talk. So is empathy “nature or nurture”, or do we have to “feel” what/who we should be empathetic about, or is it truly an immediate heart reaction in the moment of realizing-with empathetic detachment-the suffering of the person (sentient) in front of us ( vs the masses on the news)? Detachment/compassion from Buddhist viewpoint would be an interesting addition to your reflections.
Ah I'd love to be educated more on the Buddhist viewpoint about detachment (versus apathy I presume?). Thanks for the thoughtful response/reflection ... I wonder how your generation's ideas of empathy have shifted to now, which as far as I can tell have a lot to do with "self-love" as a means of giving love elsewhere, which has its pitfalls, clearly.
Haha maybe there’s something about the scolding aspect, if only for myself. Thanks to my friend’s edit, I actually rewrote it in the first person singular (instead of using a plural we) and felt like I was forcing myself to recognize my slippery feelings when it comes to the term. Thanks for the kind words.
Thank you Mike. I went through so many variations of this in trying to express it correctly. It’s funny how even a day after writing something you wonder, “do I still think that?” At least for today, I still do.
[sorry for the late response, this poetry month has me consumed]
I really like this Samuel, (even though I cringe at the rejection of capitalism but I think you mean mindless consumerism which is surely its dark side...but that for another day). Many disparate thoughts! Will offer a few. Although I have not read Rousseau his formulation of primordial self-interest and compassion rang true. We have - and should have - both.
Also your reactions to the current scolds of our times is spot on. Part of what is going on in our ultra-virtue-signaling culture is anything but empathy. It's a show to fool others and worse, ourselves, in how we are worthy of our fortunes. Like original sin. We have killed religion only to have it resurrect in this ugly form. From a political perspective, I have come to actually have "empathy" for the extreme left for exactly the frustration you touch upon, because they at least have their motives in the right place (although their solutions are terribly destructive, leading to much evil). This in contrast with the mindless consuming types who shop to fill the void, and even worse the elite-virtue-signaling types who are often (have you noticed?) the most privileged among us! So while how empathy is used needs the scolding you so articulately mete out, the original concept is both innate and essential to a meaningful life...
So true, Reena. Learning to have empathy with those on the outer fringes is so powerful, because there was inevitably a journey that preceded their position. How often do we stop to consider that?
Samuél, you've certainly mastered the art of getting the reader stuck in! :)
I published a book with the word empathy in the title in 2018. Little did I know that in the intervening years, there'd be another 200+ books written with the same word in the title. It's become quite the buzz word. And, like most buzzy words, has become a bit abused. I was recently invited to speak on a podcast about empathy and at the end of the interview was chastised for not holding empathy as being 100% the solution to everything and that it should be applied all the time. I was taken aback by the dogma. Felt like a hammer in search a nail. I was the nail in this case.
In a world where mental health issues have been on the rise, is it a coincidence that everyone is on the empathy bandwagon? We tend to think of having empathy for others 'in need' or for others who are just different from us. One area where we might all do better to focus on is in being empathic with our own shadows and darkness. Without an acceptance of ourselves (linked to self-love), we will always struggle to understand properly the darker side and imperfections of each other. In a world where we are pushing for virtues and shining light for the betterment of society, it seems we may be leaving a festering cavity. The more ideal we strive to make our world, the more patently obvious becomes our contradiction or incoherence.
In your reference to the dinner quip, would that we had more family dinners without tech and engaged in more vibrant conversation, in lieu of virtue signalling and superficial dialogue. The notion of practicing empathy at home is far from a gimme (much less with oneself). Close Communication Bias (it's a thing!) makes us un-empathic with those we're closest with.
Thanks for a great post!
Minter, re: dinner conversation, when I grew up there were or course no cell phones, but even if the house phone rang it was a clear “we’ll call you back, we’re having dinner.” It seems to me that these days the goal for all of us is concerned with how to be radically present. That in itself is a work of empathy. Here’s to fighting the good fight. And to good dinner conversation. I can’t stand small talk over food.
"there was inevitably a journey that preceded their position" Maybe the most resonant in all writing on empathy. Thanks for this nugget, and for the reminder that nuance should still exist, even if for many it seems to have seen itself out.
Reena, love what you say here about the “return” of original sin. It’s an interesting analogy to think about all of the ways we justifiably need to reconcile the past with the present without making ourselves out to be martyrs/victims/zealots shouting about how until we cleanse ourselves of x, y, or z we are all forever doomed.
How does a society like the USA come to terms with its past in a way that is not guilt based or blame based but in fact based on empathy? Woof. I don’t dare answer that question now. But thanks for illuminating it.
When I learn of a tragic crime, my empthy goes out first to the victims and then I ask of the perpetrators, "Oh, I wonder what broke that poor soul?"
Thanks for the comment and the honesty, Sherman
You're welcome.
I was just reading fellow substacker Ben Wakeman’s story The Memory Of My Shadow. The prologue starts out with a school shooting, and the story totally humanizes the shooter. It is haunting but also beautiful.
I will give it a read.
A deep reflection on a truth about your world view..from the time you could talk. So is empathy “nature or nurture”, or do we have to “feel” what/who we should be empathetic about, or is it truly an immediate heart reaction in the moment of realizing-with empathetic detachment-the suffering of the person (sentient) in front of us ( vs the masses on the news)? Detachment/compassion from Buddhist viewpoint would be an interesting addition to your reflections.
Bravo! ♥️
Ah I'd love to be educated more on the Buddhist viewpoint about detachment (versus apathy I presume?). Thanks for the thoughtful response/reflection ... I wonder how your generation's ideas of empathy have shifted to now, which as far as I can tell have a lot to do with "self-love" as a means of giving love elsewhere, which has its pitfalls, clearly.
I don't think it was meant that way, but that felt like a beautiful scolding, the kind you get from a mentor you look up to and accept without demure.
(that is even although I already agreed with what you've written)
I love the wording: beautiful scolding. Well put, Clara!
Thank you!
Haha maybe there’s something about the scolding aspect, if only for myself. Thanks to my friend’s edit, I actually rewrote it in the first person singular (instead of using a plural we) and felt like I was forcing myself to recognize my slippery feelings when it comes to the term. Thanks for the kind words.
Very well expressed, Samuel.
Thank you Mike. I went through so many variations of this in trying to express it correctly. It’s funny how even a day after writing something you wonder, “do I still think that?” At least for today, I still do.